=[

niki: wishes everything wasnt always her fault.
: somehow can never make everything better the way you can
: isnt going to call
: has nothing important to have a conversation about
: wishes you had stuff to talk about
: is confused
: is sad
: is grateful
: is amazed by you
: doesnt know what to do next
: wonders why we cant just have the same veiws
: is frustrated
: is selfish
: is unsure
: misses you
: hopes she can stick to her decision
: hopes her decision makes things okay
: doesnt know how to say this
: hopes things can just go back to how they were an hour ago
: hopes you call everyday
: knows you wont
: wants to do something special
: thinks its all her fault
: loves you
: knows you love her too
: appreciates your patience
: HDSKSHAGKHSDFKHLGLADSKHGKAHDSGKH
: feels bad
: sees your point
: is trying to understand
: knows you want to talk to her
: knows sacrifices have to be made on both sides...
: is spoiled
: is going to make mini merangues for you, and hope that makes everything okay
: wants to talk to you
: doesnt want to talk to you
: didnt know someone could feel this much all at once
: knows it isnt a big thing
: wants to know how a simple conversation can get so off track
: wishes this never came up
: wants to go to the place where the clock never strikes midnight
: IS SO CONFUSED.

those are all the feelings running through my head.
i realized why i felt so confused after writing them all down...
its just because there are SO MANY emotions.

wants people to know this is not a huge humungo thing,
and that i simply overthink things,
and take things the wrong way...
creating different arguments,
and total wastes of time.

niki : doesnt feel like publishing this anymore, but doesnt really want to delete everything, as that would have made it a total waste of time, and would force her to realize that it accomplished next to nothing.

sigh....i'm a nutcase.