Funny how a melody, sounds like a memory

I had a WILD thought just now.  It was that maybe, just maybe, I should just do what I want.  I should just say what I feel, and react how I want, when I want, if I want to.  I spend so MUCH time and effort every day, reacting in the way that I know will produce the outcome I want.  I always get what I want.  I text back an appropriate amount of seconds/minutes/hours later, (most often hours, and most often because I really just do have a busy life, and I don't drop everything just to reply to something that could most likely wait until I am finished working, or more likely, when I'm bored) but sometimes, just sometimes, I purposely delay, because I don't want to seem overeager.  I don't want you to know that I'm into you.  I LIKE playing hard to get.  Its fun for me. I want you to want me.  I hate being the girl that 90% of all girls are thanks to insecurity, hormones, their need to feel loved. I think all girls go through a phase like this - a first boyfriend, love etc. We all learn, move on, and become a little stronger because of it, and choose our next path more carefully.  We nurse our wounds.  We heal.

I rarely ever send duplicate texts or start up a new topic if I am anxious or irritated that I haven't received a response.  I don't call first, and in fact, often I don't even call you back. Not until you've really worked your way into my heart.  I always wait for YOU.  God forbid you be doing the same thing, it becomes a battle of the wills, and I never lose.  Being the girl that did all of the opposite three years ago got my heart broken. I went all in, too fast.

Since then, I've put up a wall. A shell. Armour. Now I'm the one in control, and I like it.  It saves me from heartbreak.  I do the breaking.  I didn't mean for it to turn out that way, but it seems that you have to be one or the other.  The breaker or the broken.  What is better: to be loved, or to love? If you had to choose? I chose the former, when I should have chosen the latter. Sure, when I feel the same way, I reciprocate once I feel secure enough, safe enough, confident enough, that if I let my true feelings shine through that I won't be broken again.  Its become a habit to not do this until it is far too late, irreparable.  But now I want to give, and hopefully in turn receive, but who can say if I will? I guess that is really the question: are you brave enough to take the risk? Do you have enough courage to fall in love?

I'm on fire, I'm on the run

If I had to rate my life on a scale of one to ten, I think it would score a solid 8.8. But what exactly is it that I need to do to score that extra 1.2?

If you knew my story word for word, had all of my history, would you go along with someone like me

I've had such an awesome past few weeks catching up with friends I haven't seen or talked to in AGES lately! True friendship is when you can just pick up the phone or meet up for coffee and talk for hours as if not a day has gone by since you were bffs! Life really does get in the way sometimes, but there's nothing like knowing there will always be those people you can count on! Smiles going out to you all, B, R, C, J & J! Miss you! :)

A jealous kind of love

1. Google (so that I can find out what I've been missing about superheroes)
2. Ryan Gosling
3. 3D